Why You Should Stop Worrying About Your Kids

My 12-year-old son LOVES Subway. Like way more than a normal person should. We were driving home from the doctor yesterday, just the two of us, and he, of course, asked if we could go to Subway for lunch. If I took him to Subway every time he asked we wouldn’t be able to pay our mortgage. So my first inclination was to brush it off.

But instead, I had an idea. See, I have a house full of boys, tween and teen age. Everything is always “fine.” All they seem to care about is video games and YouTube. I never know what’s actually going on in their world. So we made a deal. I would take him to Subway and he would tell me, for real, about his life and how he feels about it.

It was money well spent.

We talked about a lot of things but I only want to share one today. I asked him how he felt about the divorce. My divorce from his dad.

There are a lot of stages one goes through in the aftermath of a marriage dissolving. One of the hardest for me was worrying about my kids. How would this affect them? How would it affect their lives? I raged at my ex for putting them through this. I felt guilty for whatever part I played, wondering if I could’ve done more to spare them this pain, this split-life.

This was all before I found life coaching, of course. Nowadays I’m at peace with my divorce and everything that came with it. I’ve learned so many things about myself and how to have whatever life I choose regardless of my circumstances.

I don’t worry about my kids anymore. I know that everything happened exactly as it was supposed to and it all happened FOR them, not to them.

Divorce is neutral. I can make it mean whatever I want to.

But just because I know that, doesn’t mean my kids do. I’m very careful not to say anything negative about their dad in their presence. In the beginning that meant not saying anything about him or the divorce at all. We got into the habit and we’ve just never really talked about it. I let them work through everything on their own terms and think whatever they wanted to about it.

We’ve all gotten through the grief and pain. But my kids still have a split-life. They spend half the time with me, half the time with him. They go back and…

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