Strong enough to be vulnerable

One of the first exercises we did when I was at Theatre school was a vulnerability exercise.

It was simple. The class sat in a semi-circle. We had to walk in and make eye contact with each person from the left to right and then walk out. Fourteen classmates and the teacher.

The purpose of the exercise was to try to look at everyone and be open. To not put on a persona or attitude but be genuine. Be yourself.

I came in and easily made eye contact with the first few people.

But then it got more difficult to look the others in the eye. For some reason, each successive set of eyes was harder to look into than the last.

I had a strong urge to look down. To look away. To stop the exercise.

It was like a weight was on my head pulling me down and I had to fight to keep my eyes level and continue with the exercise. To continue looking each of my classmates in the eyes.

I was shaking my head. Why was this so difficult? It’s stupid. I’m just looking in their eyes.

But it took all my will power to keep going.

I laughed nervously. It shouldn’t be this hard. But it was.

When I finally looked the last person in the eye, I visibly relaxed and walked out. It was like a spell broke. I was embarrassed that I had found it so difficult.

Some of my classmates found my exercise difficult to watch. They could see my difficulty and felt it themselves.

They experienced my vulnerability as I was experiencing it. One of them even wanted to hug me!

Sometimes we choose to be vulnerable. By sharing something about ourselves with a friend. And sometimes we are vulnerable when we’re embarrassed or feel exposed.

Brene Brown talks a lot about being brave enough to be vulnerable. People think that being vulnerable is for weaklings. But it is so much easier to put on an attitude of aloofness or detachment.

It takes strength to be vulnerable. To share your feelings. To tell someone you respect that you disagree with them. To tell someone you care for them. To make a career change. To be the first to say “I love you.”

I think about that exercise even though it was decades ago. It reminds me that you never know what things you will find to be more difficult than anticipated. And that when you are vulnerable, people usually react in kind.

And we could use more vulnerability and sharing in the world. Instead of the polarization and posturing that’s going on today.

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